Long Gone
by Lai
Summary: A sad Race short story. Only one chapter but it's worth your time. If you like tear-jerking short stories, this is for you. Hear Race's views on his tragic loss..... of something he can never get back. Please R/R. [Author Note: PLEASE READ!]
1. Default Chapter

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A/N; Short... but it's sad. I was in tears myself when I wrote this... please read and review.

  


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Long Gone.

  


Some of them say I'll never get over it, some say I'll never be the same. Either way, I'm still dead inside. I still can't believe it. Gone. My whole entire life. Everything. There is almost no point in living anymore. I hate to say it, but it's all fucking true. Mush swears up and down I'll find it all over again, love that is. I think he's full of shit. I'm not a "girl a night" type of guy. Especially not after her.  
  
  
  
She'd ran away from home. Her dad had died, her mom committed suicide, and she ran. I hate to say it, but I'm glad she did. Or I would have never met her. But then again, maybe I wish she hadn't. She came here to Manhattan as sad as ever. I reckon I was the same also. Both of us were lost in a sense. Didn't know who we were inside, or outside. Just trying to find our place in the world.... she found hers: in my arms.  
  
  
  
She was a pretty girl. Real short, it gave her a baby look.. or even a fairy look to her. I called her Little Italy. She was my little Italy. Her name was Italy, and since I was from Little Italy and missed it dearly, she became my Little Italy. She made me forget everything sad in my life. She was my other half.   
  
  
She had eyes like no one I'd even known before. They were magnificent. They were a deep green, almost endless, if you ask me. But they changed with her mood. That's what I loved about them. One minute I'd look into her eyes and those deep green ones would stare back at me, I'd look away and then look back, and the deep ocean blue's would be there in place of the green. God how I miss those eyes.   
  
  
Her hands.. I miss those too. She had these small hands, but they had a comforting feeling to them. I could be dying inside, and she'd touch my face, and if I hadn't known better, I would have sworn an angel was touching me. I always wanted to be able to buy her a ring from ol' McGregor's store on 5th Avenue. But I guess it wasn't meant to me. Her skin was so angelic. Perfect, not pale, not really dark... just perfect. A nice golden tan I guess you could call it. And it was so soft... she had such soft skin. God only knows what I'd give to touch her one more time.   
  
  
We dated for about a year. We were expecting a baby; she was three months pregnant. I couldn't wait. I'd been saving up money, cutting back on gambling... the whole nine yards. Just to buy stuff for the baby... and to get her that ring. I wanted it to symbolize that we'd be together forever. God willing. She always wore her mother's diamond ring on her right hand. I still have it. She never took it off, unless she really had to. I guess she was scared she'd loose that last thing that reminded her of her mother. I don't blame her.  
  


I hate to think of that day. But every time I think about her, and especially this long, it always comes to my mind... always. It never fails. And the tears just can't stay inside....  
  
  
It was in August. Not too cold, not too hot. Just... warm I guess. She and Sugar had went to Harlem... she never came back. As they were walking down the streets in Harlem.. they got caught in a gang war. Being girls didn't help much at all. Sugar barely got out. That's only because Spot found her. But he didn't find my everything soon enough. It was too late. Sugar still has nightmares to this day about it. She says she'll never be able to sleep the same ever again. Or anything for that matter.  
  
  
That day I lost the one girl I ever gave a damn about. The one girl that I was suppose to be with forever. And my baby. I would die for a chance to change everything... or just to have hugged her one last time. I wasn't even fucking there when she went. Spot came a told me.  
  
  
I remember it perfectly, as if it were yesterday. He walked in the door, without his usual smile. Jack went over to say hello, but Spot held up his hand and shook his head, then walked over to me. I knew there was something wrong. Just by the look of him. Spot's never serious. But he was that day.   
  
  
All I remember him saying was, "She's gone."   
  
  
That's when I hit the floor. I've never cried in front of anyone. But this was something I couldn't hold in. I still can't. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it. And even on my death bed, I'll be thinking about her. I swear to it.  
  
  
I was suppose to be a husband, and a dad. But I guess God didn't intend me to be. They are right, I'll never be the same. And Mush is wrong, I'll never find love again. I don't want to find it. I found it, and I'll never find anything like that again. I'd rather wait til my dying day to see her again, then to even look at another girl. I never go to Medda's anymore. She used to perform there. God, her voice was like an angel. I've never been to Harlem since. I suppose I just can't bring myself to go to these places.  
  
  
I think I'm still expecting her to come home. It's like she's just gone on a long trip over to Brooklyn to visit someone. Or something. I've got to give this up. Maybe one day it will hit me that she's not coming back. But I really don't want it to. 'Cause that's the day I'll go crazy. Maybe someday, it won't hurt me so bad to even think about her. Maybe one day all that will be left is sweet memories. I doubt that. But I can always wish.  
  
  
I just hope she can see me from heaven. Y'know.... see how much I miss her. And how I can't wait to see her again. If only I'd went with her to Harlem. That's all I think... what if I would've went to Harlem with her. Maybe she'd still be here... or at least I'd be there with her. Maybe I'd have a wife and a baby right now... not alone thinking about how I could have had. But that's what I'll always be doing... thinking of what could have been.  
  
  
My thoughts were interrupted by someone touching my shoulder. I looked up to see Jack staring at me. Tear stains streaked his face, as I know did mine. That made me feel better that I wasn't the only one still crying.   
  
  
"C'mon, Race," Jack said softly, "Let's go."  
  
  
I nodded. I knew if I tried to talk I'd choke on my tears. I took one last glace at the tombstone in front of me. I ran my fingers across the engraving on it. I did that just to have something to touch I guess.  
  
  
_Italy Alanna Holden_. A name that would stay with me forever.  
  
  
I stood up, but never broke my glare. I heard Jack mumble, "C'mon." I sighed heavily as I turned around and began to walk away. "I'll be back tomorrow," I whispered, as if she could hear me. 

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Sad.. I know! Please review! 


	2. Author's Note

March 21st, 2003

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Hey there everyone,

Thank you very much for all the sweet reviews. And thank you to Chelsea, I was off by four years on the Peter Pan thing. Damn. Thanks for pointing that out though. I always have one major mistake in my works. *sighs* I dunno what to say, except for thanks! I'm in the process of writing a short story about Sprite and Mush. And then as a little treat for the one and only Dollface.. I might have to write a nice lil short story for Doll and Spot ;) You guys are awesome, and if you'd like check out my other story, Run Away. I'd really appreciate it. Ok, you're probably thinking, "What da hell is 'er point of dis whole damn author note?" Well, here's my point. Should I write a decently short fic of the time when Italy and Race met til she died, then has this as sequel in a way? I just wanted to ask y'all what y'all thought of that. Email me at: heyyouraloser@yahoo.com and lemme know whatcha think! Thanks again and I hope to talk to y'all soon ;)

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Clue Higgins


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